You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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