piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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