like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
