Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
