yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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