I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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