Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
