High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A+ Viking dick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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