someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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