u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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