You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you didnt know i had herpes?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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