i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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