Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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