alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
