that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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