I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
