1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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