someone get that fucking seahorse.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
