this just has baby written all over it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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