Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
