Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
