I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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