Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
