Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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