apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
