I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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