Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
