Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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