So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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