I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
