Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
