I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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