i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
