get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
