i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
