I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
