I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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