Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They have beer where we have blood.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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