Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize