you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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