Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
