I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
