dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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