I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
