I wish life had little blips of pornography
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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