Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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