remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am one with the molecules
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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