i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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