after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How external is "for external use only"?
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BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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