I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
