I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
