You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
