dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
