what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
