so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
