I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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