Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
