got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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