Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
