look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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