Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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