Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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