took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
