i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
