I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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