Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
