Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OPIZZABONMYDICK
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
