Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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