I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
