Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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