I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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