i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
