she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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