I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
