Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
