my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
