I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
