You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
