Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
