just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
