we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
