The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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