life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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