I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize