is your mom at the bar?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
