TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
