this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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